I love you all. It has been great. Even those of you whom I have not spent too much time with, don’t be fooled I know you better than you think I do. I’m gifted in the art of reading you, just as an alien would first read you and break you down to the simplest detail of your composition. I know you similarly, and I love you exactly as you are.
Strange, I know it is. This, coming from me, you know, since I’m not active in very many social circles and generally keep to myself. But that is really just the way I am. None of this is to create mystery. There is no calculation, it just happens to be my severely reclusive personality that you’ve had the fortune of encountering. Don’t be offended if I’ve ever turned down invitations or just not showed up to socialize as much as you think would be normal.
Oh I don’t call either, I know. Talking on the phone to me is an evil necessary only to take care of business. I gossip only to fit in when I spend time with you. That is why I do not call, because inadvertently, conversations shift to gossip on the phone, which I do not find advantageous in any way. With friends I do not do business, so calling for business is crossed out of my reasons to call you. So you’d notice I call you only for directions when we decide to go out and be gay. Yes, I am deliberate with my choice of words, gay I said. That is the fashion of humor I employ. Not quite palatable to all. Not at all because of its lack of appropriateness. It is in fact because most don’t expect such humor from me. I appear to be a strange little Middle Eastern girl. You do not expect many things from me that I say or do. I puzzle you and in a way alienate you. I perhaps frustrate you because you can not entirely figure me out. Am I culturally American or Middle Eastern? Neither?
But I love you all. You make me happy. I get to learn from you the things you do to survive in this place I do not know, so that I may survive here too. I will always be an alien.
I need you to know I love you especially when it is apparent that I do not fit in anywhere. It doesn’t bother me anymore. It did at some point in my existence. I could not figure out why you found me odd. I can’t figure it out entirely still. I’ve accepted that I’m never going to fit in, and I just do what I do, most of the times without explanation because I have no other choice than to be what I am. But all this, you do not get. I’m a fish out of water, be kind to me. Because see, I don’t know whether I even belong in the water I first learned to swim in. Perhaps I belong in the sky? Maybe not even there. But I’d love to learn to fly, just so that I can know how to do that in case I need to fly one day.
Will you teach me how to fly?