Monthly Archives: November 2011

I love you

Dear friends,

I love you all. It has been great. Even those of you whom I have not spent too much time with, don’t be fooled I know you better than you think I do. I’m gifted in the art of reading you, just as an alien would first read you and break you down to the simplest detail of your composition. I know you similarly, and I love you exactly as you are.

Strange, I know it is. This, coming from me, you know, since I’m not active in very many social circles and generally keep to myself. But that is really just the way I am. None of this is to create mystery. There is no calculation, it just happens to be my severely reclusive personality that you’ve had the fortune of encountering. Don’t be offended if I’ve ever turned down invitations or just not showed up to socialize as much as you think would be normal.

Oh I don’t call either, I know. Talking on the phone to me is an evil necessary only to take care of business. I gossip only to fit in when I spend time with you. That is why I do not call, because inadvertently, conversations shift to gossip on the phone, which I do not find advantageous in any way. With friends I do not do business, so calling for business is crossed out of my reasons to call you. So you’d notice I call you only for directions when we decide to go out and be gay. Yes, I am deliberate with my choice of words, gay I said. That is the fashion of humor I employ. Not quite palatable to all. Not at all because of its lack of appropriateness. It is in fact because most don’t expect such humor from me. I appear to be a strange little Middle Eastern girl. You do not expect many things from me that I say or do. I puzzle you and in a way alienate you. I perhaps frustrate you because you can not entirely figure me out. Am I culturally American or Middle Eastern? Neither?

But I love you all. You make me happy. I get to learn from you the things you do to survive in this place I do not know, so that I may survive here too. I will always be an alien.

I need you to know I love you especially when it is apparent that I do not fit in anywhere. It doesn’t bother me anymore. It did at some point in my existence. I could not figure out why you found me odd. I can’t figure it out entirely still. I’ve accepted that I’m never going to fit in, and I just do what I do, most of the times without explanation because I have no other choice than to be what I am. But all this, you do not get. I’m a fish out of water, be kind to me. Because see, I don’t know whether I even belong in the water I first learned to swim in. Perhaps I belong in the sky? Maybe not even there. But I’d love to learn to fly, just so that I can know how to do that in case I need to fly one day.

Will you teach me how to fly?

Bibi

Facebook is scary

No, you are not on a separate privacy setting on my Facebook. I know you think you are, because you can’t see much of what I’m really up to on Facebook. But it is that way on purpose, and it is like that for everybody.

You see, my private life is kept private on Facebook since those who are in it already know what I am up to. Those who are not in it directly, don’t get to see what’s going on in it via Facebook. If something is on Facebook, it is on there because it’s general information. Although I’ve taken out so much, you can hardly call the provided information ‘general’.

I know what you are thinking. What’s the point of being on Facebook then? Well see, those who matter already know what’s going on. Those who want to know what is going on can always (try and) ask. But you won’t see it publicly available on the internet anywhere. My life out in the open for all to see and comment on, I do not find the idea very appealing.

But since I know most everybody finds the idea of sharing their lives on Facebook quite appealing. I can thus be both adequately entertained and informed of what is going on with your life. I know when you have a tiff with a pal, when things are going bad at work and I know what you are up to with your significant other. You always tell me when you find a new job, or when you leave one that I know you can not stand.

As much as I pride myself in not being one of those folks who watch reality TV shows, I do have one on my fingertips that I can tune in to whenever I feel like by signing in to Facebook. I know when you get engaged, and how great you are doing when your pictures come out, when your babies are born and pretty much everything else that you so graciously share with the world.

Jersey Shore (TV series)

But like in every reality TV show, people get in to situations that are sticky- with their best friends, significant others and work mates. It’s not a bad thing of course, because it is so normal for human beings to be faced with difficult situations. But this is sensitive information. I feel for you when I see comments about something I feared would make its way in to your life. I wish you had not shared so much. Because I kind of knew what you’re dealing with right now was coming.

And when we let that information out on Facebook, one status message and comment after the other, it’s not hard to figure out how difficult things are in your private life at the moment and what type of things make you upset. Facebook allows you and your life to become predictable.

That’s probably why recruiters use Facebook more often than LinkedIn to hire. Business folk have an even keener sense of reading in to people’s lives via behavior, body language and ‘commentology’. Your pictures, your favorite games, your groups, your favorite quotations, people who inspire you, and more recently articles you read and music you listen to tells me a lot about you. People who comment on your photos always add any information to the picture that you may have left out. Sometimes entire dialogues begin from innocent looking pictures or changes in your Facebook statuses. All this makes it incredibly easy for one to know exactly what type of person you are, who you hang out with, what you relate to, your political affiliations, your religious beliefs, what your friends are like and pretty much your entire attitude towards most everything that matters in the world.

I am not psychic but I do know psychics are people who have a great observation. I can tell so much about you by the way you interact with me. I can hang out with you a couple of times (or less) and befriend you on Facebook. If you are an average person and are liberal with what you choose to share, I’ll be able to figure out what all is the deal with you and your life.

I know most of ya’ll aren’t as observant (paranoid) as I am. Because you don’t take things like Facebook and social networking so seriously. It is meant for fun, isn’t it? But since I think like I do and I’m good at piecing together information and pretty much figuring your entire life out using Facebook, I assume you could do the same with the information I leave on and the comments I allow to be made on my information. I do know that if you thought the way I do, you would be more careful with what you have on your Facebook too.

Bibi

FML: Allergy Medication

After enduring a splitting headache that was essentially a result of my eye allergy issues, I consulted relatives here, many of whom happen to be doctors. They all agreed that the most immediate substitute for my US bought eye allergy drops was going to be local eye allergy medication.

So they went to the pharmacy and bought me a bottle. Just the sight of the little package lifted my spirits..

Sehr Malik

Destination Lahore, Pakistan

Currently in Lahore, Pakistan. Doing really well. Had a long, arduous and overall less than perfect travel experience. However, I am in pretty good spirits now. The food is absolutely divine. I do seem to have jet lag of some sort. Around 5:30-5:45 pm I get ridiculously drowsy and just absolutely have to get sleep, else it gets torturous to be alive every passing second I force myself to be awake

Did not go out until last night. It was a pretty nice trip. Just visited a nice family at their home, but I’m sure the trip to and from the house must have caused my eyes to dry up(?) due to the dust. Or it could be the dust that has caused me a severe allergic reaction. Regardless of what it is, my eyes are burning!! Luckily I do have some eye lubricant/ointment, so I can try to see if it works, because then I’ll know if it’s just dryness. Ran out of my US bought allergy eye drops (bummer)!!!! But I will be a brave traveler and figure out a local remedy for my condition.

Have been taking pictures, so that is keeping me feeling normal. Surprisingly connected to things, and I really don’t feel far removed from my ideal home atmosphere. It perhaps is because I carry my ‘home environment’ within me now. I don’t seem to seek it outside of me that much. Also, on a less philosophical note, I quite literally brought all that I could carry with me and use on a daily basis. My laptop for example, my reading material/kindle, vitamins, camera, doodling material and my rusty old  brain.

I’m thrilled that I have everything I need to carry out my daily activities. I was most afraid of not being able to access internet regularly. But I do have good access thankfully. All is well so far. Will continue providing updates.

My vision is slightly blurry now: the eye ointment.

Should probably rest myself of computer use, and maybe read something?

Sehr Malik